What would happen to your body if your daily diet consisted of hotdogs, hamburgers, sodas and donuts? This would eventually result in health problems, rob you of your vital energy and weaken your immune system, which is essential in helping your body fight off disease.
Now, let’s look at our mental diet. Are you aware of how many negative words you feed yourself everyday? They become toxic to your mental health, as they weaken your psychological immune system, (also known as your self-confidence and self-esteem) which helps you cope with life’s challenges. It is important to realize the impact of words and how they affect us. Language is a powerful tool we can use to help us live a healthier and happier life.
Toxic words infect your thoughts much like a virus corrupts your computer.
Your subconscious mind is built to follow instructions and obey orders. Your conscious mind is the one giving the commands. This is why it is so important to not only become aware of your words, but to also choose them wisely. Negative words sabotage your capacity to feel happy, satisfied, adequate and successful. In addition, we live in a world where we are quick to judge and equate perfection with being successful along with other toxic trends, which all take their toll on our mental health.
Change your thinking and you’ll change how you feel and how you act. Reprogram your subconscious mind by making small changes in how you consciously choose your words. This will start a chain reaction and you will begin to see big changes in your thought patterns and your attitude towards life. It’s all in how you reframe it.
The benefits of positive language range from building self-confidence to promoting self esteem, increasing morale, managing stress, improving attitude, taking risks and encouraging motivation. Whether you are tuning into your self talk or speaking to others, positive messages make the listener feel supported, validated and motivated to find solutions. Negative messages make you feel criticized, blamed, guilty and offer no solutions.
Let’s look at how to eliminate those toxic words and how to find replacements.
I can’t
This implies you have no control. Not only are you making a negative statement; you are accepting it. This creates blocks, self-doubt and adds to your fears.
Replace with:
- I don’t know how – Admitting you don’t know is more powerful than “I can’t” because you can always learn how to do it.
- I won’t, I will, I don’t want to, I choose not to, I can – indicates you are making a choice.
I should , I must, I need to, I ought to
Stop should-ing on yourself. While you are using these toxic words, you acknowledge the problem; however, no solution is offered; This is usually followed by, “I can’t,” which creates disappointment, feelings of inadequacy and guilt.
Replace with: I could
But
Get off your Buts! Whatever positive statement you make before the “but” ends up being negated and it is usually followed by the reason why you can’t do it.
Replace with and or yet. This brings hope, encouragement and positive expectations.
Try
The ultimate cop out word. It’s a definite maybe and sets you up for instant failure and frustration as you avoid responsibility and commitments. It lets you off the hook because if you fail, you’ll end up saying, “Oh well, at least I tried.” You either do it or you choose not to do it. “Trying” keeps you safe and on the fence. Be more decisive and make a commitment.
Replace with Yoda’s words, “Do or do not do, there is no try.”
It, Them and They
Another cop out word. You end up blaming everyone and everything. The opposite of this is to assume responsibility.
Replace with the “I” word. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Owning your situation puts you in the driver’s seat. You have choices; make them.
I’ve never done this before
Get out of your comfort zone, face your fears and learn something new.
Replace any fears with excitement by taking a risk. Fear keeps you stuck, excitement moves you forward. “Progress always involves risks. You can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.” — Frederick Wilcox
It’s a problem
If you always emphasize the problem, your focus will be on the obstacle. This creates feelings of helplessness. Don’t spend your energy fighting the problem; use the energy to find a solution as you focus on the goal. If you change your point of view and reframe it so you can see the positive side, you will start finding alternative paths to help you reach your goal. All roads lead to your goal, so get creative and replace the word problem with:
- challenge, adventure, opportunity
I made a mistake
Everyone makes mistakes. You stand to gain when you look for the valuable lesson. The other “F” word, failure, is not the opposite of success, it’s part of it.
Replace with;
- I’m learning new things everyday
- What’s the lesson I need to learn here;
- How can I turn this experience into a stepping stone to my success
I can’t deal with it
As long as you keep saying this, you are keeping your fears alive.
Replace with I can handle this. You are in charge. Believe in yourself, in your abilities and in the power to change.
I hate this feeling
It’s OK to have a whole range of feelings. There are no bad or good feelings. Allow yourself to “feel” the feeling. If you ignore or deny your feelings, they will have a boomerang effect and come back to hit you twice as strong. Accept them as you experience the ups and downs of life and you will be able to move forward instead of staying stuck. Take a deep breathe and pay attention to your feelings and the incoming valuable messages.
I’m not good enough
“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.” Salvador Dali. You are unique and you are enough. The idea of perfection plagues our society today, causing a lot of unnecessary pain and stress along with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. By embracing your flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger and more beautiful version of yourself.
Here are some the basic principles to consider when we want to reset our language. Making small changes in our vocabulary can make a big difference in our overall tone. Constructive emphasis makes the message more powerful and effective.
- Awareness – Start by becoming mindful instead of being absent minded. Most people glide through life on automatic pilot. Bring more awareness to your words, what you think and how you say it. This is the first step to changing your thought patterns. Please note that you are merely observing and not judging; this will help you recognize how often you use those negative words. You may also consider writing them down. like taking inventory. This may give you a visual representation as to how often you are being negative.
- Counteract the negative words/statements. Don’t just accept them, challenge them. Replace the negative with a positive; another word for this is positive affirmation. The most powerful affirmation starts with “I am.” Say them out loud or listen to them while you are working out or driving to work. Post them or make a vision board. Make them visually present in your life to serve as a daily reminder.
- Make your affirmations short, simple and in the present tense. You really need to feel it and believe it otherwise, you are only paying lip service. Believing is what brings your dreams to life.
- Give clear instructions and focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. This greatly increases the chances of getting your desires outcome. “I’ am calm” sounds better than “I don’t want to stress out.”
- Visualization is important because it prepares and teaches you how to respond to a situation before it happens, much like a mental rehearsal. This is how you to override the old negative tapes that are now playing. It also helps you manifest your goals by conditioning your brain to see, hear, and feel the success in your mind’s eye.
- Reinforce the positive until it becomes the new habit, which is how the negative habit came to be. Practice, practice, practice makes it permanent, not perfection.
Stay in control of your words so you can embrace challenges as opportunities for growth as you develop your abilities and expand your knowledge and enhance your performance for further success.
Get rid of those negatives for good!
Antoinette Giacobbe
