The origin of the word narcissism comes from Greek mythology. Narcissus, the god of vanity, was a very handsome man who fell in love with his reflection in a lake. He became so obsessed that he couldn’t tear himself away from his own reflection. He wouldn’t eat, drink, or sleep. Eventually, he died, and his body was transformed into a flower called narcissus.
The moral of the story warns against excessive self-love. While it is important to love yourself, we are reminded to stay humble and avoid becoming self-absorbed to the point of extreme focus, attitude, and behavior.
Fast forward to modern times, and one can’t help but question why there is a rise in narcissism in the world today. At this point, we should distinguish between NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and narcissistic traits. The former is a mental health condition diagnosed by a professional, while the latter is a personality trait. The main difference between the two is the severity and duration.
We find that while empathy for others is on the decline, there is an increase in people with narcissistic tendencies. Here are a few of the contributing factors:
First of all, the younger generation has become more concerned with their appearances and what others think of them. Our culture is obsessed with image and values fame, success, and beauty over other morals and virtues. Also, some parenting styles have led to excessive adoration or excessive criticism. Either one leads to insecurities, false beliefs, and misconceptions.
Secondly, modern technology feeds this obsession with our cell phones and social media, both of which are the perfect tools for self-promotion. On social media platforms, no amount of likes and followers can replace healthy relationships with ourselves and others. It only reinforces the narcissistic tendencies to constantly seek out admiration and attention with disregard for others, just like Narcissus did. And just like the Kardashians, who promote a world that is superficial, hypocritical, materialistic, filled with money, fame, fake facades, and empty promises.
Lastly, the community culture has shifted towards the me-first generation, where everything is readily available in an instant. Whatever you want, you can have it now.
This creates a sense of entitlement where emphasis is placed on individual achievements and personal fulfillment and leaves little room for empathy towards others, especially if they don’t respond to your demands.
Their lack of ability to emotionally connect with people prevents them from having genuine, meaningful relationships. The basis for their relationships is transactional (what’s in it for me?).
The sense of community and social connection with authentic interactions is disappearing and being replaced by shallow and superficial relations in a digital world, which continues to fuel external validation and narcissism. Virtual reality is a poor substitution and can only lead to loneliness, isolation, and depression.
How to recognize a narcissist:
No empathy. Mistreats others and shows no respect for your boundaries.
Arrogant. Sense of superiority; look down on others. Exaggerate one’s own worth.
Real Fake. They appear to be tough and have morals and standards, but they don’t.
Control issues in order to avoid failures and mistakes. Lack personal accountability.
I “There’s no i in team, but there’s three in narcissistic.” Me, myself, and I.
Sense of grandiose, self-importance, self-centered, self-absorbed, and selfish.
Self-esteem is fragile, filled with insecurities and fears; inflated ego and bloated confidence.
It’s not my fault; you’re overacting; you’re crazy; I never said that; gaslighting and blaming.
Sense of entitlement; think they deserve special treatment with little or no reason at all.
Takes advantage of you, consistently lying and manipulating you only to fulfill their own needs.
How to disarm a narcissist:
As a society, we need to set personal examples. It is important to protect ourselves and prioritize our well-being by setting clear, firm boundaries.
Narcissists want to evoke an emotional response from you. Choose to stay calm and remain controlled. This will drive them crazy, since you are not giving them what they want and thrive on.
Since they are highly sensitive to criticism, it is best to avoid direct confrontation, as they may react aggressively. Instead, use gentle, constructive feedback: I hear you; I need you to stop yelling; I am not comfortable with how you are speaking to me; Stop interrupting me; You’re right. Make them understand that it’s OK to agree to disagree.
Learn to use the word no. It establishes your boundaries without further explanation and prevents you from being the vulnerable one. Stand up to bullies by standing your ground and speaking up. Don’t argue with them or engage in fighting; that’s what they want. Remember to speak and act calmly. This will confuse them and disarm them. Walk away if their behavior becomes abusive.
Remember, it’s all about them and what serves them. They like to create drama and play the victim, so don’t take it personally. It helps to understand that they have a vulnerable sense of self along with a strong, debilitating fear of not being good enough.
Their narcissistic characteristics act as defense mechanisms, and they use offense tactics to build themselves up as they tear you down, only to look and feel better. They use it as a cover-up for feeling less than perfect, threatened, ashamed, and anxious.
Narcissists may be reluctant to change since they don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with them. They have to be willing to recognize and admit to the harmful patterns in their lives and accept help. If they commit to putting in the work, they can find healthier ways of interacting with people and develop a more balanced sense of self.
In our narcissistic society, we need to learn how to deal with socially handicapped people.
It’s time for a reset. We need to re-evaluate our priorities and develop better coping strategies in order to change course.
Antoinette Giacobbe M.A.
