No one is immune from these feelings. Although these feelings tend to have a bad rap, they are part of the full range of emotions that we experience on a daily basis. There are no real bad emotions. They are just the messengers that relay important information about our lives. The key is to learn how to process these feelings, not to kill the messenger or suppress them. And above all, don’t let them drag you down.
Fear’s cousin is anxiety, and guilt is closely related to shame and regret.
Fear is a natural response to any perceived threat, whether it be physical, psychological, real, or imagined. It serves as our alarm system to protect us from harm by triggering the fight-or-flight response, a vital tool for dealing with the problems in our lives.
If we don’t face our fears, they can trigger anxiety and avoidance behaviours. By continuously interpreting events as negative experiences, you will keep on sounding the alarm. This prolonged stress can have a debilitating effect on both our physical and mental health.
Both fear and anxiety are products of our mind, not our environment. An exhausted mind leads to anxiety, which is like a virus that will keep on spreading and contaminating our lives by making us miserable, have crippling effects and leading to paralysis. The ultimate remedy for inaction is to break down our fears and step into action with baby steps and confidence.
By acknowledging and admitting our fears, we can name the dragon in order to slay it. Challenge your fears by changing the way you see and think about the situation. Stop feeding your mind negative thoughts. Instead of telling yourself that you can’t handle it, repeat positive affirmations like I can handle it, I can do it, I’ve got this. To overcome your fear and anxiety, focus on what you can control: your mind your thoughts, and your breath. Focus on finding a solution, not the problem.
Guilt is a feeling of moral transgression or wrongdoing, along with feelings of unworthiness, which stem from a fear of judgment or rejection. If it lingers too long, it can end up taking a toll on our emotional health and rob us of our happiness.
While guilt is the feeling that you think you did something wrong, shame is the feeling that there’s something wrong with you. Excessive self-blame can become toxic shame, which ends up getting stored in our body as tension and pain. And not to mention how you are constantly on the lookout for being devalued and rejected, which effects on your self-esteem and relationships.
We’ve all done things that we have regretted, but realize this: making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. Instead of criticizing yourself and beating yourself up, replace that negative self-talk with self-compassion. Ask yourself how you would treat someone going through a similar situation. Don’t be harsh on yourself; everyone deserves kindness. Learn from your past, accept responsibility for your mistakes, and stop blaming yourself. This is the path to forgiveness and making amends.
The first step in dealing with all these emotions is to cultivate awareness through mindfulness. Focus on the present without judgment and accept your feelings. Identifying the emotion and exploring the root cause can help you gain a better understanding of what is going on. Be inquisitive and figure out how to best express uncomfortable feelings.
Safe outlets you can consider for processing and releasing emotions include breathing exercises, meditation, and keeping a journal. These can help us remain calm and centered in order to focus on what’s important and to make the shift from negative to positive self-talk.
Let go of the need to control emotions and go with the flow by creating space and giving them permission to move.
Another therapeutic tool is talking to someone you trust: a friend, family member, counsellor, priest, or therapist. Sometimes even your hairdresser can lend a helping ear. The main thing is to get support.
Switch from unconscious reacting to conscious responding. This will reduce chaos and break the repetitive cycle. You will not only find effective resolutions but you will also find inner peace and harmony.
The bottom line is that these feelings need to be processed in the present moment, not stored in the past, where they can easily become heavy baggage. As we choose healthier emotional coping skills, we can let go of what no longer serves us, start building our confidence, and tap into our resilience as we adapt to making better choices in the future.
Seek out emotional balance as you reframe these emotions as opportunities for growth.
Say goodbye to fear, anxiety, guilt, and shame, and hello to the new and improved and empowered YOU.
Antoinette Giacobbe M.A.
